I can't follow my own rules

Once again I have a plan and I cannot even come close to executing it.

I started off on a great note. I waited until nearly 9 am to make my first trade, and it was a 10 tick winner. Then I took two, 5 tick losers, followed by another 10 tick winner. I was patient, and I was waiting for my spots. Then I had a 30 tick winner, and I was up on the day pretty good. I figured if I remained patient, I could continue to have a decent day.

Oil appeared bullish, so I bought at many different retracements. I ended up losing everything I made and I was down about 5 ticks when all was done. What set me off was that the last time I bought it, I bought the low, but took a scratch and then watched the market rally almost 80 straight ticks. I was fortunate because I was able to buy the eurostoxx, so I had something to show for it.

I dont know what it was, but something set me off and I ended up making just horrible trades. It may have been buying oil, taking small losers and watching it just go where I thought it would. Or maybe it was when I bought the euro and scratched and watch it rally like crazy. This pissed me off so bad. I was so impatient and angry, so I just bought the euro and without a question, I marked the high of the move. I ended up losing 3 x more than I wanted. FUCK.

So then I jumped into oil, added in euro, and took a small losers on both positions. I did it again, and I was just furious with my losers. I kept buying oil and losing. So then I sold it, and every time I sold it, I lost. I heard my own voice telling my to just get up and take a break, but I didnt.

Obviously, you can guess what happened. I sold oil again, watched it rip against me and come back so I scratched. It then sold off 40 ticks where I got out. So I waited for another retracement, sold again, held it agian, and took a huge loser. Of course, after I got out, oil just melted. I smashed my mouse and said some unchoice things, and quit for the day.

I think I am just horrible right now. I cant seem to do anything right and I cant follow my own rules. It feels like I am not making progress and any day I feel somewhat positive, I just get kicked in the teeth.

Here is how simple my rules are. Be patient - wait for multiple reasons to execute a trade. If you lose more than 3 times in a row, just take a walk. I also told myself not to sell lows or buy highs, but thats exactly what I did today. Not only that, I held big losers (something I dont want to do, but seem to do all the time). I jumped from product to product and I had no set ups what so ever. I just clicked and clicked and clicked until I took one big last loser. I really cant stand the way I trade, and I am trying to change, but just failing misserably.

Well, tomorrow is another day. I wish I could follow my rules. I dont know why I cant. So, lets see what happens tomorrow. Right not I want to smash my screens and computer.

I cant sell lows or buy highs and I need to write down my reasons for each trade. I need to slow the fuck down, and get my act together. Holy shit I sound like a broken fuckin record. What a fuckin joke. Why cant I follow my own rules? Why does this job make it so fuckin impossible to follow my own rules? Why do I allow myself to make these fuckin just horrible decisions every day and lose every day. It doesnt have to be like this, yet I cant fuckin stop. FFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!